I had nightmares last night. If I dream often it is a nightmare.
I used to have amazing powerful dreams. I always fly in them. I build machines to fly and have abilities. But these dreams have stopped lately.
I’m also often saving people from wrecks. Or guiding people through the apocalypse.
Some say this is collective soul work. It’s exhausting.
I hate having nightmares. I can’t tell dream emotions from waking emotions. They’re too real. It’s why I can’t watch scary movies too.
I want to advocate for Autism acceptance but it is hard.
I don’t want to stay silent about it when so many cannot speak for themselves. I really feel strongly about this and I really want to make a difference.
It’s given me nightmares though.
I’ve navigated fear my whole life. I’ve learned the nature of it. How it conquers and repels our psyche. I’ve mastered the transmutation of it. But even still it plagues me.
I will never not be Autistic. I will never be without the fear.
But I am determined to make it my ally or at least a catalyst for change. I just can’t stay quiet now that I’ve found my voice.
-Angel Marie Russell